We had the privilege to be at this wedding and hear the BEST speech we’ve ever heard and the BEST ceremony we’ve ever seen. Rich was heartfelt, emotional, and hilarious- reminding us all why everybody gets married in the first place.
We’ll track down the video and share as soon as we can. The only ceremony where a speech received a rousing standing ovation from all the guests. We laugh-weeped with happiness for the couple.
For Allie and Greg.
Allie and Greg asked me to spend a couple of minutes giving some advice as they start their new life together. My husband Chris and I started dating nearly 16 years ago, which I guess makes us one of the Framily’s longest-running couples. That, in turn, gives me special powers to dispense advice about how to make a marriage work. Allie and Greg didn’t give me too many other specifics about the kind of advice they wanted, so I hope I haven’t made a mess of this assignment. Here goes.
Allie and Greg, my first piece of advice to you is this: be supremely lucky. Despite being contradicted by thousands of books, movies and television shows – and one half-written cat opera of my own creation – I’m here to tell you that the first step in a lasting, happy relationship is beating some really long odds.This room is an anomaly, as it’s got a much higher percentage of attractive people than the general population. In reality, only a very small fraction of the world is physically appealing. Let’s say, generously, that maybe 1/10th of the population is attractive, and that it’s an even smaller fraction of those that also have a good personality. I’m not being catty – it’s science. I used fractions. So to find someone that’s attractive with a good personality, as you’ve both done, is a long shot.
But you’re not done there. Once you find that attractive guy or girl with a good personality who’s of the corresponding sexual orientation, you still have to weed out the serial killers, thieves, terrorists, racists, the underage, litterbugs, vegans, Hootie and the Blowfish fans, the Welsh and Carmen Electra.
And after you’ve done that, you’ve now whittled it down to a very, very small percentage of the population that’s dateable, much less marriage material. And somewhere in that tiny group, you have to find someone who can accidentally walk in on you on the toilet and still think you look as fantastic as you do right now.
So that’s my first piece of advice: be lucky. And judging by the looks of the two of you today, you’ve got that one down.
The rest of my advice, hopefully, is more practical. Here we go:
Have fun today. Make the most of it. Personally I can’t wait for the Woodstocks after party, myself. But please don’t ever say this was the happiest day of your life. At least never mean it, precisely. The phrase is a little defeatist, hyperbolic and short-sighted, and there’s really only one day in your whole life when you’re qualified to make the assessment: your last. So always strive for happier days, no matter how happy you are in the current one. I mean, there’s a pool party tomorrow. Let’s start there.
Pick five things you want to fix about the other person that you absolutely can’t overlook and let the rest go. For the five remaining things, get used to the idea that you’ll never change those, either.
Never compare yourself or your relationship to others. Love is not a competition, unless you are on The Newlywed Game.
Don’t underestimate the Power of Love. It’ll get you into some pretty interesting jams if you let it. It’ll get you out of them, too.
Absolutely go to bed angry if the alternative is saying something you’ll regret.
Never mistake romance for real love. Romance is date night and flowers and elaborate anniversary dinners. It is the theater version of real love. It’s a vital part of a happy marriage, for sure, but it’s just window dressing. Real love is waking up every morning and knowing that your life is better with the other person – that you’re better with the other person. Make sure you never lose sight of that.
Never both get blackout drunk at the same time.
Each of you will change. Sometimes this will be because of the other person and sometimes this will be in spite of them. This is what’s supposed to happen. The trick is to recognize the changes and use them to write new and inspiring chapters in your history together. If you figure out how to do this, please let me know.
I asked Spike, our nine-year old Boston Terrier, if he’d like contribute some advice and he had this to say: The most important part of any given day is when you get home to each other at the end of it. Do not waste this moment. We do it so frequently that it’s easy to lose touch with how good it feels to see each other again. Put real, authentic energy, joy and love into that moment, never fake it, spend time in it and enjoy it. Also, it doesn’t hurt to bring each other toys. [Pretty sage advice, from a dog.]
Lastly, and some of you have heard me say this before: know what it is you want and be honest about it. Negotiation and compromise are difficult, but starting from the truth will make the whole, messy thing infinitely easier.
In closing, I just want to say how proud of you guys I am. Everything Ricky has just said about you is true. You complement each other, you’re supportive of each other, you make each other better. And today you’re promising each other that you’ll continue doing that. All of us should take advice from you today, not the other way around. So, on behalf of the Framily, let me just say that we love you immensely and we’re here for you.
And we won’t let you down.